White Purity

Not daring to make a sound,
I sit ever so quietly on the ground.
Shivering madly while I sit here in silence,
Breathing shallowly, I can see the air escape my lips.
My arms curl around my legs and notion of fleeting heat,
I feel my heart burst with pain, but somehow it still beats.

The snow is cold and unforgiving, but I feel at peace,
The white tranquility numbs the pain and offers the end and release.
Gently I scrape my hand over the cold flakes and stare off,
But no matter how cold it becomes, the aching is never truly numbed.
I dare not flee any more, for I know by now,
I will feel this stinging no matter what I do or how.

Sometimes I could convince myself to just run from you,
To hide from all of the pain you make me go through.
But all along, I knew it would always be the same,
Whether I could hold you or whether you cast me aside.
Once, I let your hand slide into me and through my chest,
And once, my fragile glass heart, did you soothingly caress.

Your hand squeezed my fragile heart very hard,
But I was happy, so I just let myself keep down my guard.
Then one day you squeezed so hard that you shattered it into pieces,
And I sat there crying while staring at all of the broken shards.
Once upon a time, you gave me tender moments of blissful joy,
Yet now I was in despair, for I felt like just a secondary toy.

I never wanted to let it mend, so it just bled and bled away,
I only stared at the blood that seemed only natural as it was on display.
Months passed by after you had left me all secluded in my despair,
And I just sat there all alone, not caring what happened to me anymore.
Then you decided to come back abruptly and threw yourself at me,
And you were filled with such glee, just to see and be near me.

You cut me open like a little stuffed doll,
You throw me around but I don?t care if I fall.
You ignore me and then you later demand attention,
But you can abuse me all you want, I freely let you.
I am yours to neglect, chastise, scold, pet, caress and hold,
If you wish, you may keep me close and warm, or throw me into the cold.

Engrave your name into me with an object of your choice,
Speak with hate or adoration, do whatever you please with your voice.
Caress me, scream at me, squeeze me or toy with me,
You may, if it pleases you, even break my heart all over again.
No matter what you do, somehow I still am in love with you,
Even though I know you may never feel the same way too?

Once more, I hide in the white tranquility,
But as always? you have come back for me?

I am elated? but filled with fear and resentment, all at once?