All Consuming

By JustAnEarlyBird

A mouth full of lemon peels,
Needles in the spine,
A baseball bat with a home run hit
To the temple and in the mind.
The drop of the heart to the bowels
When taking a hard fall,
A pinching, strangling spark
In the pit between the breasts,
A nest of coals inside the guts,
A wave of hateful, bitter cold
Encasing all that raging heat-
Upholding the facade.
And from the rotten, sour roots
An aching, yearning pain-
I never could explain it well-
Nothing worse.
That is all that I can say.

So, here it is,
My plan to save my soul
I'll cut the nerves, sever them clean
And I'll bite that tongue right off.
I'll gouge out my own sunken eyes
And sew my ears shut tight
But before it all, I'll pay a hefty price
For the parts of me I crave the most
To be taken, cleared away,
And any agonizing ounce of hope
To go far away from me,
Assured to kill that nestling pest
My most insistent desire.

So take them away,
And I'll do the rest-
I'll clean off the edges-
the rest of my senses.
Deprive me of the opportunity
To continue feeling this heavy weight of envy
That undeserved hatred
For anyone who has the one thing
That I've been deprived of,
Completely denied of.

Destroy the rising bile
Of bitter, hateful, surraded jealousy
I don't want it to consume me
Because it isn't like me-
Except apparently it is.

A mouth full of lemon zest
Is all that I can taste...
So I'll cut it all away.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2021 JustAnEarlyBird
Published on Thursday, April 1, 2021.     Filed under: "Personal" and "Poetry"

Author's Note:

I'm having an epiphany and apparently a mental breakdown with it.
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