You dont understand
What its like
For your head
To make your heart stop
And your lungs freeze
You dont understand
That when that happens
And i dont breathe
Sometimes i hurt myself

I want to kill myself
When tidal waves
Of emotions
I forgot how to feel
Drown me
In the whistle
Of the train
Down the street

You think I drink
To avoid life
No
I drink
To punch through

These walls that i built
They once protected me
At times they still do
But prison dust
Will squeeze the life from you

I can force myself
To take a breath
Sometimes
Sometimes
I see the storm coming
And i know
I cant breathe
Through this wave

I have cut myself
On more knives
Than i have
Ever
Owned
I have given myself
More concussions
Than a professional athlete
I have dodged more trains
Than you will ever want to know
Not so much
Because i felt like living
But because
Right then
As that person
That is not
How i wanted to die

So yes
I drink
I drink far more
Than i really should
And far less than you think
My liver regenerates
My brain
My body
My scars
Do not
And you cant help me
You do not have input i can use