The Bells of the Abbey

If I look at you
Just smile and turn away
They are only figments of my lost imagination
And soon they will fade away
I see lovers in the distance
Wrapped in mists of a long gone past
I have got no hopes for personal resistance
And my future is going fast
As I ride up in the air
There is no stopping
There is no rest
When I feel the wind blow back my hair
And weep for when times were best
There is blood on my sword
and blood seeping from my wounds
Hands locked over my ears     (I will hear no evil)
I have no need to feel     (I will feel no evil)
Those darkest fears     (I will fear no evil)
Over and over and through the years
and years and years and years
And who was it that said
"We are truly alone"
Was it the same that keeps calling
From pay telephones
"So sorry
Wrong number"
Do I dream or do I scream
As I pick up what's left of my brains
And pack them away in a cardboard box
With all the toys of my childhood
Do I dare to feel?
Am I truly real?
Or is this all just fantasy?
Might I have
Just one kiss
To possibly know
Just what I would have missed
Before I run off again with the girls of the bowery
Is your heart lonely tonight
As you wait dressed in your dress of purest white?
But I am always there
A mere shadow at your window
"Let me in, it is so cold"
And would you be so bold
To step within my hold
Out here
Where the fevered hunt runs rapid through the jaded night
Out here
In these war torn trenches of my war scarred heart
Or are you just another
Of the parliment of ghosts
Haunting the remainder of my mind
NO! NO! NO!
That has been buried for the longest times
Far from here beneath the hangman's tree
Where the mandrake grows
There locked stolidly away
In that unmarked grave
I apologize
For indeed I see it in your eyes
Through all the deception and disguises
You blame for it all
For I knocked thrice upon the midnight door
And from the mists of Avalon
And the lapping waters of Babylon
Came forth the Holy War
The Dragon has again arisen
For I feel her reign once more
As the moon rides high
She blocks out the sun
Somewhere in a forgotten necropolis
Where everything is funereal
Her wrought iron gates burst open from their bounds
And she came with all her glory
Through me and with me
She, the midnight mother
Of this midnight son
And when she came, I was again whole
Far off the doomsday clock began to toll
Eleven times that bell did ring
And there was silence in the heavens
For the angels would no longer sing
They could not
For their weeping
Had awakened the sleeping demon
From the depths below
"Oh we are doomed, we are doomed"
I got up and fled the room
My tears streaming, clinging to my cheeks
Not just today, they have been there for weeks
Pouring out, flowing out
Trying to retrieve my soul
From the far off place that it had fallen
Sprawled out on the rocks below
Just beyond the sulphur pits and the melting snow
And just who said it had to be fair?
Who dared to think I had to care?
I say damn the world to hell and back
I am never coming back
Not when my hair is white and thin
And the wrinkles plague my skin
And my eyes have gone pale and blind
For I have seen eternity and been to the end of time
Walking the painted line
Over and over again
And you beg me to tell you where to begin?
Circle back and retrace the steps
And start where I left off
Read the books and ignore the looks
And count it as a loss
Then step back
And breathe the midnight air
And if it is to your liking
Pause only for a moment and carry on
Remember to stand tall against the wind
And to smile and laugh and play
Nothing gold ever stays
Find your faith in silver
It will never stray
Look out and find the bond
For once upon a time we were strong
Then when you are sure your work is done
Step out beneath the midnight sun
And watch the fireworks display
Never to return to the light of day
For it will burn you
And it will scorch you
Making you forget who you really are
My bright little star
That I wished upon oh so long ago
Under cloudy winter skies
And there was laughter
And chants from the abbey
Where the monks come and go
And we sang
Making rituals
Wishing for summer days
Wishing it would always stay
And never fade away
Like old photographs
Locked in a box on the top shelf of your closet
Or buried deep beneath the hangman's tree
To gather dust and rust away
And I screamed out and woke from my dream
It was never what it seemed
Sheets soaked with sweet sweat
Cheeks stained red from tears of blood
And far off, oh so far away
I hear the bells of the abbey