The way I feel

I can't understand my life. I don't know what's happening. All around me there's problems. My problems, "my friends" problems, the worlds problems. Some days I just want to be left alone. I want to be locked in a small room for hours at a time so I can become clostrophibic. I want to blast my dark music so loud so I can be deaf. I want stare into the rays of the sun so I can go blind. I want to really hurt myself. These are things I want to do, but I don't want them to really happen. These forms of abuse towards my self... I'm insane. The dark side of me is kept a secret. It's MY secret. No one knows. Nobody knows who I am. They don't know my real name, where i live, who I am, or WHAT I'm like. In my eyes it's forget life and jump. But I want to live to see the joyous precious moments soon to come. I'm full of hate, anger,-and something I just realized- regret...