Dear Vida Max,

Today we celebrate your first birthday.  A full year has passed since you entered the world; you were pink, perfect, and tiny. So tiny. Five pounds and eleven ounces, with screams that could last for centuries. The moment I held you in my arms, all of my fears had subsided. Your little fingers were so perfect, and so graceful. Your little toes resembled mine, with the second toe being longer than the first. I kissed your slightly upturned nose and fell deeply in love with you. You are beautiful. You are perfection. You are all mine! My baby girl.

It was not too long ago when we brought you home, into the threshold of our life and our big world. Our family of four is now perfectly complete; the one that you are now inextricably and organically a part of. For the last three hundred and sixty five days, I have watched your personality slowly blossom and I am enthralled. I wish I could freeze time and memorise your every ounce, and because I cannot, instead I promise to write you letters for your birthdays. I hope, with the words I write, you will know how much and how impossibly I love you.

You are delightful and tricky. You are incredibly observant and your patience astounds me. You are smart, physical and so curious. You are precocious as ever, communicating so vastly, beyond those expected of a tiny, tiny creature. You are prone to deep belly laughter and your sense of humour could turn any frown upside down. You are infectious.

For the past month, I have watched you stand in front of a mirror, studying your own reflection. You are a little vain and I cannot hold you at fault. You blush and giggle, make goofy faces and plant wet kisses. Not even one year old and you are already having conversations with yourself; I am quite sure you got that one from me and I apologise in advance for the embarrassment it will bring you. I will tell you one thing, with an imagination like yours, you have a friend for life.

Your constant need to perfect the things you do scares me to my very core. The amount of time you spend sitting on the floor, practicing new words you have learned, is both impressive and worrisome. Being a perfectionist is a blessing and a curse, and I do not wish this upon you. Please know that it is okay to make mistakes, as they are inevitable, and do not let them define you. Give yourself permission to fall, and remember that every obstacle you face will only make you stronger.  Learn from me, learn from my struggles and my fears, and take them to heart.

I want to fill your head with promises of how wonderfully easy life is. I want to twirl you round and round and whisper to you that you will go through your days free of any care. And I cannot. Instead, I will do my best to guide you and prepare you for the harsh realities. It is not easy being a girl. It is never easy being a girl in a man’s world. It is an unfair oppression that has gone on for centuries, one I am so fiercely fighting against, and one you will too. I strive to instill such strength in you, that it chases away the darkest of storms. I hope with my words, you will be able to glimpse your beginning, and with it, you are on your way to something so wildly and wonderful. Remember, sweet baby, rules are made to be broken.

I love you more than you will ever know. You are amazing and you are brilliant. I scoop you up every chance I get, and I am mesmerised by how easy it was for you to dance your way into our lives. You fit so perfectly, the last piece of puzzle. The perfect verse to a poem.

I love you more than you love books. Imagine that.

Love,
Mommy