Reader, take my hand..

Take my hand....reader...
Its dark, but I know the way.
How old are you?
-Im only eleven...but if you meet me ten years from now....
I wont remember this year.

Come, reader, I dont want to lose you..
Please, I dont want to be alone.

Okay...

hes coming this way,

stay here.  I'll go.

You see stepfather.
You see him smile at me...
I smile back..
you smile in my hiding place..

You watch his hands run down my shoulders...
his lips utter 
"now..my daughter, my love...dont act afraid..
dont act...
You know you are a dirty...dirty little one"
his hands run down thighs....like scorpions disguised as beautiful butterflies...
betrayal that feels like love...

I look at the crack in the closet
and I look you in the eyes as my shirt is suddenly off....

You close your eyes.

Please, don't close your eyes....
Don't forget me here.....Im so confused....Does he love me?
If it makes him feel good...why is it bad?
I want to make him happy.

Why does he call me dirty?

What does all this mean? What am I doing?


Reader...Im sorry Im bothering you with my questions...

but..  what will happen to me? 

Reader...will you be like mother and tell me Im evil?
Tell me I stole her man
Reader....how can  I tell you, I love him still..I dont feel hate...
Stepfather, his smile, his words...were the only love I knew.
I miss him.
but I feel so dirty....

Reader....can you touch and feel again after watching?
Reader....will you deny what happened , like mother did?
Reader....will you tell me...it happened a long time ago..that I should know better?
Reader....will you stay with me when I think I love stepfather...or when I feel he stole my soul?



Im you, at eleven years old...
You're older now, and people say this act...

this  thing..is called "love"

They say,
It can be done without the stepfather..


without shame...

But I know...you cannot.