Well of HELL

I watch the night time sky
and ponder on it in silence
the stars shine bright like an ocean of light
The stars righteous light,
makes me contemplate the feelings
I hid in the darkness of the night.

I lie every moment of everyday
denying myself of what I am,
The secrets I keep weigh me down
as i descend into a well,
I become trapped in darkness with very little light
and I know even with all my might
I am too weak to fight.

I stand alone in the darkness of the well,
the heat slowly moves away
as the darkness intends to stay.
the coldness I feel grows with each passing day
at first numbing my toes as the coldness continue to devour
and consume, I open my wound just to rediscover sensation
so I may appreciate life's divine creation
and all the wonder of life's sensation.

The well grows bigger or perhaps it is I who is receded in fright
as my eyes have adjusted not to the bright light,
but eternal darkness of the night's light.
Time in the well has passed an eternity in seconds pass
my heart is hardened encased in thick ice,
gifts of sensations have been frozen
all that is left is a hollow shell who lives in hell.

The ponder continues as I analyze the secrets I hid in this night,
I am gay and I want to be OK,
to know that I will not die alone to have someone to call my own.
I am frightened for I know that I am in hell stuck in this hollow shell
that is my eternal well.
The darkness is my fear, and the light is my hope as it drifts away,
I know the reason of my disarray,
although I often wonder will be OK,
I know it it matters not whether its because I'm gay