Here lay my faults and I am to blame
My soul was lost long ago and the feelings wearing off
Left alone to deal with this pain, this ending.
the cord is ripped away from me
I'm shivering/ shaking/ its killing me
Spiraling out of control but no one sees the fault in this
without the pill and powder in hand
emotions are too much to bear.
I am a coward, a child
and I am seeking the easy way out
numb myself of feeling, of life, of love
just to find an ounce of ambition
to make it through another day.
It's no one's fault but my own
that I feel this dependence
and it's no one's fault but my own
that she came to see me
but I did not know how luring she could be
that in the end she was the evil
that I would let control my life
my ending
my beginning.
Endlessly hard to get rid of
and harder to hide from.
She appears to me and I cannot resist.
Oh what a coward I have become.
A year ago today, I would go back
change every decision I have made
cause even though you grow internally from pain, from experience
it is not worth this
it is not worth this.
I am weak, all control is lost...
They rule my world.
I hate it, but I'd be even sadder to part.
The solution is simple yet I cannot make the right choice.
Everyday is an uphill battle.
And few know the feeling she gives me.
Fuck your judgemental eyes and ears.
You too would fall victim to her touch.
Self medication is all that is left
and that is the sentence equal to death
when you loose all self control
and everyone you turn to temporarily understands
but after a while even they will be disgusted
with your own loss of self control.
But the offer on the table is seductive.
Euphoria, energy, it consumes your being
nobody can touch you
you are in control.
You are numb.
You can do anything you want-
you know your secret friend is there.
But dependence is a bitch
when you've been independent all your life.
So goodbye to you, I say
and all your secret lies.
I'm done being weak and pwerless
when she enters the room.
I'm done with this whole scene
erase this shitty dream.
Cause once you get a taste
of color
of light
of sound.
Its hard to walk away
But its the uphill battle
That I am FINALLY ready to take.
So fuck you
Judge me
But at least I can admit my screw ups
and not pretend I'm a saint