The graveyard within

It was damn tough
to bury you darling
You know I planned it for a long time,
long before the inaccessibility dawned for me
and the unspoken became bigger
then us



But the worst was probably
what went down
during my frantic digging
Something big and life-long
I think it was a myth about myself
with love, the red one



But what the hell does the color mean
if you are color blind



You will of course fall
in front of my naked face
when no one´s feelings
was true



Although they dominated
every breath



My feelings
lived alone in the desire and
weighed one tonne of hopelessness
just before
they witnessed their own execution



Do not even think you understand
how your tenderness weakened me
and defused all my barriers of strength



Everything died
thou death has always been present



Every red uppercase
so bruised by
the brutalities of feelings



I left my heart when I went away
yet there was nothing to miss
you took my breath, my oxygen



But you never knew
you were never told



That one moment I was
this close
to disclose all and get totally pathetic,
swallow every ounce of pride
to give you a glimpse of my truth



Thought maybe a few drunken moments
that it would change everything
and give me what I feared
and longed for most



Your heart
who broke my mind
day and night
What would I have done with it




if you had given in…