lying in bed with her again

the dim green lights from the sterio
reflect from her skin
as i put my arms around her and pull her closer
feel her,
smell her,
taste her,
but still can't have her.
It's just the same, just being here with her this moment, that moment, every moment is worth wasting my dying time.
I can't believe again I'm laying next to her,
holding her, this frozen vessel feels like fire.
Never again did i think I'd have this moment,
so close, but always too far away, always too far...

in the earlier alcohol evening she told me:
"you can fuck me, you can rub my tits, I'll suck your dick"
and everything about me stood up again in that ecstasy only she can bring,
but even my mind wouldn't admit it then,
I knew i'd end up lying in bed with her again.

as her skin glows green in the eerie night light, as she sits up and says her prayers, blocking my lust...
renewing my minds rationality,
but my heart, my body, screams everything away.
but no, never will i let myself get rejected by her again,
so just lay back and soak up the lies,
let the chemicals take care of the insomnia,
though i could lay here and watch her dream all night, feeling her grasps tighten around my arms wrapped around her as she slips farther away.
let me slip away from her into the dream lands,
let me escape i can't breath.
forget she's here, falling...

another night filled with dreams of her as she wraps herself in my arms as we lie together in bed again.
this is the real sin,
the call of the most intense temptation,
fighting myself coming back to these black sheets,
never again should we meet in this bed of weezing silence,
and soon i slip away again and come to so close to her in the morning light,
burning my bloodshot eyes,
revealing the impact of these lies,
later today, again, I'll have to tell her goodbye,
so just pull her close, remember how things were,
realize the lies behind today,
smell her,
feel her,
taste her,
and fight my mind body and soul all telling me to take her.
She's no longer my angel she's no longer mine at all,
and lying about this all night next to her in my bed is not at all satisfying, let me rationalize it a little longer,
let her scent continue to linger in my apartment, in my head, let me enjoy these dying moments, until I'm dead...
amen.