Why?

I sit down with longing in my eyes,
Memories start flooding back that's no surprise,
They break my heart and i relive the pain,
I start shaking and I'm filled with disdain,
My eyes are glowing,
My tears are flowing,
Fear and sadness are the only emotions I'm showing,
I can't do it not again,
All this pain may be my end,
What have i done to deserve this hurt,
Why am i always left in the dirt,
What can I do,
What can I say,
To save my life and end this pain.