Untitled from older days

can't speak
so much to say
mouth wired shut I
scream into the
gleam of the resolution
of my disoriented eyes
in one of those crazy mirrors Inside I'm kicking
and screaming and
crying like an infant
walls built up cold
up to my scarred disfigured face
defense against the attacks
wanting what someone lacks
I left my first seed
entangled in selfishness and greed
I left my one love
broken and gone
forever at the end
of my finger tips
the sky dips into
the cloudy day
a touch of blue
in the trenches
dodging the emotional silver
bullet conditioning
brain not quite functioning right
I feel the souls of
my lost ones exploding
inside me.
anything but releasing me
from this physical
into the metaphysical
jungles and deserts
vicious waves against
solid rocks
survival, predator, capitalism
in my space, in my brain
I'm splashing constantly
underneath and between
all's imagined and seen
beaten lethargic
pull my soul out from this
hole and sling it into
the skies stars, oxygen molecules
spirits, angels, and demons
into the next realm
free me
release me