I I. see you smile and laugh, and you really look happy . I see  you play your guitar and sing and it makes me smile too.
The tortured soul within you is hidden to those that only see you on the outside.
I somehow feel that I know your pain when I look into your eyes and you are opening up to me.
The past is just that ,gone like a smoked cigarette,nothing now but ash never to be the same. Sure it was real at the time, but now only a memory,almost like a nitemare your not sure you had, and wished you didn't. I know you feel all alone most of the time and the rest of the time you wish you could be alone.
I don't know what got you to this place, and it does not matter NOW ,  that is not to say that your life until now didn't matter only to say that all we have is the here and now. I would love to see you recover your good self. You are a very smart and a very deep person.  Your gifts and talents are many, while  barely noticed by you. Life is here and now ! It might be gone tomorrow. Or it may be a long time until the end. So  live it now ! Whatever problems you have are secondary to living your life. I believe you are a special person and you are here for a reason. And so am I.