Gaydar, Out of Service

I love gay guys.
I really do.
But I'm sick
And fucking tired
Of dating them.

It never fails.
I always find a way
To set myself up
With homosexual
(Or at least bisexual)
Men.

Katy Perry's "Ur So Gay"
Is the theme song
Of my love life.
(Except for the
"And you don't even like boys"
Part.)

It's so sad.
I'm so sad.

I make excuses for them.
I translate
"I've read all the Twilight books and own the movie,"
to mean
"I'm an avid reader, and we'll have something to talk about."
Honest mistake.

When one says he was a "theatre kid" in high school,
I mistakenly assume he joined to impress a girl.

When he admits to experimenting,
I take it to mean he's adventurous.

He may worship All Time Low,
But their music's kind of catchy?

You know, it isn't a bad thing
If a guy is fashion-conscious.
Even if he does wear skinny jeans
And eyeliner
And nail polish,
And even if he flips his hair out
Like a girl's.

Just because he chooses World of Warcraft
Over porn
Doesn't mean he's gay, does it?

When he fights for gay rights,
I think it's so sweet.
And I like a guy who's open-minded.

When he blows me off to hang out with groups of guys,
Instead of trying to get in my pants,
I try to think, "Wow. That's cool that he doesn't just want sex."
Or doesn't want sex at all. Whichever.

There were others
Who had had multiple female partners
But had only done
And only desired
Anal sex.

Another who would constantly blow me off
To hang out with his mom.
No joke.
I have proof.

I did date a straight guy once.
And I hated every second.
I wonder what Freud would attribute my
Pointless, aimless, fruitless
Desires of men (who like men) to.