She Awaits Reform At Home

She Awaits Reform At Home (1)
She is
Always waiting and following others
Returning half hearted and empty handed,
And never willing to give up on
Him.
I am a tool
Handcrafted in sin,
Built for revenge
She's crossing her legs with mine,
And pullig me closer into her grasp
With each breath we take
I'm spiraling; confusion
I am no fucking winner,
Lets race until I'm broken
In last place again,
She awaits reform at home
At home she awaits
She is destined for a happy ending,
At my expense,
I am born from disaster.12/1/08

Blonde Bombshells Go Boom (2)
Beauty is only skin deep
And I'm cradling
Whispering to myself
Sanity has boarded up
Ready for war and
Ships out at noon past two.
I've given up
I know that I'm worthless,
Never will be better than this
And she sits calmly;
Confident, she surely is worth her weight in gold,
Pulling the strings backstage
Behind the scene,
This is her show.
Happy fairy tale endings died and are
Buried with the treasures of the past
Board up the windows,
Hurricane seasons a' commin'
Hell of a ride
And winter is bringing on no reason
For me to carry,
Carrying on.
If there is something bothering you,
Feel free to fall down
Headfirst
To get it all off your chest
No lies,
Since we're all just
Lying all the time
I adore you,
And will dress you in a
Scattered array of torn pictures
And bland words
Painting the world black and grey.
Winters here, winter is here
Theres no color left
Touching her and a New Years Kiss
Ball drop, dreamy
Brain dead, and we're dreaming tonite. 11/17/08

Porcelain Dolls Shatter When They Fall (3)
It's the midnight hour and
The moon has divorced the stars
Windows heavy with condensation
Killing herself while
Bleeding out her sin
Menstrual stains remain
Tainting the cloth that make up
His seats.
Tell me more of the stories you
And him who could have been me
Shared; Experience!
Bedroom overnight stay
Working two shifts while grounded
Naked in the streets
Sneaking around
Public [INTOXICATION]
Come home and your religious shit for
Fuck parents have no clue
Good job mom and pops
Jesus really must love you now,
A love so pure that
Your husband is a former drug runner praying for forgiveness
And you clean blood stains off the floor
While you're daughter fucks the boy you praise and
Are happy for
Blissful ignorance,
Worthless is he,
Banging as she screams
This is the end,
The end
Ashes, ashes
We all fall down. 10/25/08

Pink Is Our Color (4)
Everywhere I go,
And as hard as I try
I get a happy go lucky
Half wit, I'm raining on your parade cloud.
Smile while holding my hair,
Flip of the hair and
Disaster can strike
Misfortune.
Cascading shells with a tongue in cheek
Smart ass attitude, apptitude test
Where do you end up in life?
With who knows what calling the shots, we're
All in line to finish up this race
Dead fucking last,
Always climbing over another
How far we go to
Build up faux friendships,
To end them with an ax in my best
Friends back.
I taste a tad bland now,
Not that bitter taste she would know
Missing her lipgloss with a
Hint of menthol
Ciggarettes on her breathe,
Remember the alcohol on mine?
Prepositional phrase with
Worthless conversational cause
Nothing out tonite but
You, me, and the one you call
God.
No one is fading away on a full moon,
No one but me is fading away on this
Full mooned night,
Yet you can still hold my hand
And walk with me through disaster
Flying on fringed wings of stone
Let's fall to the ground.
Pumpkin patch hayride with
Not a star in the sky,
Crow around and watch me
Decay away
With a swirl of fun written on my sleeve
Pull, tug
Beg me please don't drop off the face
Of the home we have on outside
Inside out; core of the earth
Melt away.
Can I spray your scent
In the happy part of my mind
To never forget you;
Inside your room
Let's lay on the floor this time
Who needs a bed with the world laid at
Our feet?
Emotions swing when I'm under the influence
And all that stays on my mind
Is what could've been
Is what shou have been
Is You.9/16/08

We Are All The Same (5)
Crawl on your knees as you
Sliver through the slums that
Are found in the backside corner of
Your mind; Newfound mentality
Thoughts that provoke a
Not so well defined head on
Lights off
Plan.
Collisions are sure to occurr when
You walk alone in the dark
No one can see you
Shrowding yourself in
Imaginative shadows.
Painting vivid pictures with your tongue
Motions blur as
Time and our space
Becomes a precense that is felt
When together.
Be dirty, in a not so sexual way
Then look at me with humility in
Those eyes.
Maybe if we work together we can
Pull harder have no regrets while
Standing our ground
Letting up a tad
But staying strong.
Maybe these things I create don't make
Shit for sense
Or maybe its an elaborate scheme
On my part and
Ignorance on yours?
Find me
I'll be waiting, on the backalley of the same desolate
Slummy streets on which you
Crawl.9/5/08

Crown Me, For I Am Not Of Your Kind (6)
Spiraling down as
Light trails behind a
I'm falling on my knees staring at
The ground.
Spilling, trickling pouring too much
And the glass has overfilled,
Digging a hole too deep
With stone walls, no
Windows to open up and
See.
Swimming around lost, broken
Jackassed turning up halfway
Alive after a failed attempt to be
Drowned out, muffled
Cries that bubble and escaped
To what they really once upon a timed.
Maybe try face down
Floating on your back?
Nothing like a I hate myself escape
Blueprinted plan, that
Is just a simple effect from
A cause that isn't too worthwhile.
Insanity plea,
Slipped up with a
Jack-in-the, your wife's
Head in a FedEx box.
After trying to play lover fiance rolemodel,
And being not so kindly pushed
Away.
I thought you were my
Starship space ride to get to
The place where the stars shine and
The planets go 'round,
Shattered mirror,
Splintering images of a
What was, and could have been
Premature existence.
Restricted area, access denied
As I pull you close to me
My puppet on strings; Marionette.
Who thought I had changed for the better,
Not I just walked back in time
Silly me, the tricks on you
No more last place sad face
Lossless victory pose that means I'm not
Real, just a fraud
Smiling while rotting
Softly in
My own way
Let up with a metaphor
Chivalry is dead,
Now bitch open your own
Fucking door.9/7/08

There's Something Fishy About The Person I Call Me (7)
Thinking she's so consistent
In being cute.
The drivel that flows and
Forms art as it comes out of her
Mouth.
Dig deeper into me,
Nails in my back
Rip me apart to discover the
Entirety of the truth;
There is more to who the I am
Than just
You.
Tainted blood is always sweet,
And bitterness tastes like shit in my mouth
Curse my name,
Out to make-believe-heaven
While I'm a thief in the night who
Gently slips away.
Two is far better than one,
But all alone I'm fine;
Myself is better than none.
Poke and prod, bend over
Lay on your back, spread 'em
Reach for the sky,
Let me use you,
All the fuck way up
'Til you reach your breaking point.
Feel worthless, because you're beginning to taste like shit
She who does nothing,
Will never come out to amount to
Any-Something.
Envious of your past self
As memories of that life that once was
Permeate an inanimate corpse.
Go ahead and bow to your savior
He who made you the way you are,
Lost and broken with no humility in those sweet honey like eyes;
Twinkle twinkle burn out star,
Something bigger than this; us
Dustpiled and out of time
Time for this fairy tale called life
To end.9/3/08

Shikhism, But Not Really (8)
Taste your sins,
The ones that religion makes you fear,
You know the ones I don't fucking
Believe in.
You always were my cuthroat heart throb,
Never can you say,
"I didn't know,"
Everyday our eyes used to meet
But as far as the present tense goes
We're just gathering dust on the shelf.
Up and down this amusement park
Ride, that we call
Life.
Break me down,
Lose the pieces, and try to stich me back
Together
Again.
So when you're tired of being my puppet master,
And I've grown quite tired of this masquerade.
The master of disguise,
I'll stay hidden, never make a sound,
And molest myself til i wake up smiling,
Never again should I be forced
To wear a frown.8/8/08

Seize The Day [carpediem] (9)
White dove in the
City on fire, blackened eyes
Hunger is overcoming us all and
Burning out those above is the only way out
So beautifully asleep
And her words of remorse are
Slowly killing me.
Lets fly away on wings
Hinged on hope
And I'll play and write until my fingers bleed.
Never cutting oneself,
Blood that spills out must be earned
A sad attempt to get her attention
Writing in vain,
Hear me out now
My words are just
Coming;
Spelling it all out
Can you hear me now?
Feel the disastrous innuendo filling the air
Bone crushing and
I'm running into war
Tear it down
Tear it down
Tear it all down!
Break this wall down,
Until there is nothing standing between
Me and you,
No distractions
No obstacles
I hate it when we act this
Smart girls can act so dumb
Traveling down this road of discourse and illusions
So much for hand in hand,
Lucky to have five minutes of side by side
Marching, marching
Left foot then a right,
Single file
Don't make a sound
It could mean our lives tonight.
When I'm on my way back
Autumn leaves red
Will lay crushed on the sidewalks and streets
What happened
To all the time I thought I had
And everlasting times to walk
Along her side.
Sun rise
Sun fall.11/27/08

Knights, a Father, & Dissapointment (10)
Tonight is the night that
I've lost all my faith in her kind
Dance the night away;
Glimmering hope
Can't live forever.
All the stars have burned out,
Keeping me alive
Is a task suited for the gods themselves,
Meanwhile she cracks a fake smile
And stays dirty all the while.

No more make believe
No more faith
She lies
Every word from the tip of her tongue
I hope you....I hope she....

I want the dreams of her to wash away
Douse me in gasoline
And I promise I'll ignite
And I'll be the passion that she should have until
My ashes are all thats left on
The ground we all walk upon.

No more make believe
No more faith
She lies
Every word from the tip of her tongue
I hope you....I hope she....

You meant the world to me
And never even took
Five minutes to realize
You never knew.

No more make believe
No more faith
She lies
Every word from the tip of her tongue
I hope you....I hope she....
11/30/08