I Wait A year of no regrets? Would surely wanton abandon would ensue? Intriguing experiment it could be, to play with the role of a free me. Throw guilt and shame over my shoulder, without thought or care. Face every fear, dare every dare. What new me could be born into a world that knows no guilt, nor shame? Nor doubt, nor fear, nor denial, nor blame. Where all sins are forgiven and the need for repentance is past. What dances I could dance! What chances I could chance! Can such a world exist beyond fairytale vistas in childhoods past? And actually really belong in the now? A living breathing reality? Right here, right now, to touch and to see! What a world it could be! No more if only, no more if but. I had just seen this or had just done that. No more thinking I am nothing more, Than the sum of my parent’s worst characteristics and more. No more ill spirit, depleted by endless fighting with doubt and with fear. No more wishing I was anywhere but here. Would that be happiness? Perhaps it might, temptation to jump into vista! Reality or not, maybe when I jump only then it becomes real solid mass. That rushes to catch me in my fall, into the unknown mystery of faith and belief, As the forest floor catches the falling leaf. I breathe. I wait, for evidence to out-way the fear. For the milky wet mist on the windscreen to clear. For dreams stitched together at seams. And a thousand things more. Petra Creffield 2007