Am I?

Am I? Am up then down again this is me then back up again sometimes within minutes am I Bipolar? What do you think? give me a diagnosis baby, call me mad bad and sad pack me off to padded cell sumptuous softness where nothing can hurt anymore except my own head, which hurts a'plenty all on its own. Look mummy I can be as mad as you! Now will you love me? Negative love syndrome bollocks shit damn, Is freedom even possible at all? Or another magician’s illusion dangled in front of our eyes to cause internal despair… freedom exists, but where? ? Is it here or there? Anywhere or nowhere at all…. I am lost in this haze, this daze of you and myself, phenomenologically speaking I think I love you – the only problem is, that I don’t believe in love anymore, my cynicism cuts me to the bone, my deep seated, ingrained, indoctrinated belief that heaven is actually hell… can you tell? The difference between that and anything at all? Mind swirls in endless circles all roads lead to nowhere at all, we’re on the road to nowhere, lets take that ride baby. If only I could let go of the nagging belief that there is a somewhere, a place called home, the one my soul yearns for each and every day… hey baby will you take me there? Petra Creffield 2005