Marcus

Don’t tell me you love me
Then give up in despair
It leaves me confused
And brutally aware
Of my own unlovability

Did you have to confirm it to be so
Why not prove me wrong
Go on I dare you
Stay with me, don’t go

I don’t want to be right again
Wanted you to be strong enough
To stay until I could trust
It was always going to take a long time
To break through this defensive crust

And the next poor sucker that comes into my life
Should I warn him?
It’s going to be a five year fight
That then, maybe then
I could trust he is the one,
And finally feel right

Can’t expect that kind of patience
From men who want quick fucks
Or even the nice ones
If there are any
Maybe with some nips and tucks
I could expect them to stay
While my hair goes grey

Feels too late now
I am broken, worthless and shit
With neediness a bottomless pit
You showed me that
I wish you could see how I look in your eyes
Then maybe you would stop

Faith and hope are almost gone
Just a tiny small light in there
That has always shone
That maybe just maybe
It wasn’t all me
That I am worthy of love
Especially from me.


Petra Creffield 2004