ILLNESS

It’s not as if I’m a damned fool

Drunken in repose

Vile and sordid with wicked retreat.

Those days caved in upon my head

Left me crying and weeping like a raped child.

The hours injected themselves

Like the sordid needle of a dying heroin junkie,

And sadly I think that darkness had me infatuated.


The day I realized what it was it already had me held hostage,

I remember falling to my grazed knees

The pain in my heart burning with life.

I remember lying there

Spilling tears of blood

Crying with the pain of its flesh covered sword….

Craving to die,

Craving to be slaughtered with brutal maliciousness.

And their pills never worked.

They had no answers

Nothing to make it go away.

They had no solution

Nothing to eat the cancer in my mind.


Oh but they tried.

They smirked with twisted macabre glee

“Swallow child”

“swallow what will fix you.”

Fix?

Numb,

Hide,

Vegetate….

Never fixed anything in their fucking lives!

Go,

Just go and leave me here to rot

To erode into the dead earth;

I’d rather be alive

Suffering

Hurting

Weeping.

I’d rather be alive and be emotionally crippled

Than be “fixed” and a vegetable

A drug zombie

A white listless creature,

Pale

And conformed.