Comments by TheProphetUntold
- "The second and third stanza have really good lines, I wonder if maybe some parts of it could be omitted to deliver the same or more meaning. ex.. "I'm ok", I lie to myself....As I pick pocket happiness and irritate myself to sleep.... It's your work, I liked it. I tend to try and keep my ideas as short and clear as possible to make the meaning more emphasized. Does "pickpocketing happiness in tiny bursts" mean anything different/ more or less than "pickpocketing happiness"? Just an idea. I can relate to the topics of this poem all too well. Cheers. +tpu+"
Posted by TheProphetUntold on "Sad Soul" by Abberant