Comments by wilted
- "This sent shivers down my spine. The way the last line references the first line completes the poem beautifully - highlights the pointlessness of the incident, and raises the question, is nothing really an escape? You walked through all of the questions the mind can't wrap its head around. In times like the one you write about, those thoughts are a mess, but you clean them up and make them into something beautiful, something true, something anyone who has lost someone to their own hand can relate to. Really touching write."
Posted by wilted on "Anniversary" by Beautiful Incidental
- "Abate... one of those words that gets stuck in my head for months at a time. The enjambment in this is wonderful. Gives the poem a definite rhythm, which is great. Overall, though, it seems a bit rushed, as if you were writing it in the middle of an anguished time. The first stanza is marvelous, with great imagery and word choice. The rest seems to peter out, content wise, as you let your hatred and anger control you. Indeed, it is as if you have lost control over that which is tameless. However, the rhythm is just so wonderful, I couldn't possibly make any suggestions for improvement. No, I think I like it as it is - a joining of form and content. Nice work."
Posted by wilted on "Abate" by Virgils Vigil
- "There's flow in this all right. I can see your point, though. The third stanza is different than the others, makes me stumble a bit when reading. However, since it's about those "insidiously small" insects, I do believe it works. It make sense that it would be smaller, shorter, quicker to get through. And ooh, the fourth stanza, "At dusk dusts doom shall scatter," quite the tongue twister. And such a wonderful sound throughout. Nice work."
Posted by wilted on "Reaping Of Your Innocence" by Virgils Vigil
- "I believe I've commented on these before, when they were each their own work, but I would feel remiss if I didn't comment again. You are the master of the four line poem. I want these written all over my walls, to bask in their glory from day to day. To read them, over and over again as I drift off to sleep. To wake each morning, seeing your words, which are the sweet reminders of the bitter moments of our lives."
Posted by wilted on "the short & bittersweet collection " by RhymeBound
- "Great imagery and strong emotion - painful piece for the reader as well as the writer, I'm sure. My suggestion is to revise and fix those few typos to make sure nothing detracts from the feel of the poem. Otherwise, nice work."
Posted by wilted on "Hand in My Hand" by Dragonfly
- "I love how the exact meaning is mysterious. With my wild imagination, I'm considering so many things it could be. It's wonderful. I love anything that makes me think. The poem overall is very simple, but very striking. The layout is eye catching, the repetition is fitting, and the words flow very well. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "Hold On" by Gray Vision
- "What a refreshing read. It's so wonderful when you work so hard to look back and realize what you've achieved, to find it's actually something. And now you are happy where you are. Wonderful. Good feelings emanated from this piece, put a smile on my face. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "Dreamwork" by Kittykat
- "This is well done. From the idea of the mirror to the repetition of all. To include "all" so much, it gives the impression that everything, all of it is gone. And the idea of the mirror gives a sense of reflection, as well as a seeking of answers from within. Yet, sometimes even the mirror doesn't have the answers. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "Rock Bottom" by Gray Vision
- "This touched me as I feel I am the other side of this circumstance at the moment. It's nice to see things from a different perspective. The reiteration of "If you could see what I see" is good. Especially considering I have heard these words exactly. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "See What I See" by Black_Cherry_Doll_
- "I held my breath the entire time I read this. Your words are captivating. The beginning drew me in, for often have I ignored sleep for the sake of pondering our beginnings, or the purpose of our existence, or other such things. Then your words continue and it's almost like a blurring together of everything familiar to us all, but they've become so contorted that we can no longer recognize them. "still the echoes wait to be catalogued" is quite an intriguing end. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "Shuddering Existance" by steuss
- ""It's no fun when it's you, now run!" What a great ending. It's interesting to see the perspective of the killer. That point of view is often so ignored. Yet, you make it relatable with the last line, making the reader think "wait, no, it wouldn't be fun..." Nice write. "
Posted by wilted on "For the pig I dig!" by just breath
- "You are absolutely amazing at these types of poems. Just funny enough without being ridiculous, very true, fun, and enjoyable. And you never miss a beat in your flow. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "I Call Him Dog" by Malcholm Dark
- "I've been on a wicked Bukowski binge lately and his words come to mind when I read this:
"if I have any advice about writing
poetry, it's--
don't."
"Like calling cancer a sneeze." Oh how true it is. I think we've all been there. And it's terrible. And you've summed it up nicely. See? If you just give it a shot you can write something, even if it's about how you can't write anything. Nicely done. And remember... you find inspiration in the strangest places, you just have to be patient."
Posted by wilted on "A Loss For Words?" by Musik2MyEyes
- "Very powerful words. Yet, even if you said nothing at all, I would still be captivated. Your word choice is excellent - everything is phrased wonderfully. And such a fitting title too. I think this is just vague enough for anyone to get their own understanding from it, yet specific enough to really feel your emotions. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "Bloody Knees" by jajang829
- "There's a lot to relate to. You evoked a lot of images and thoughts from my angsty teenage years [and made me thankful to be rid of them]. This is some place where, despite what it seems, I think almost everyone has been. Everyone needs a friend in a world of enemies. The ending hit me a little by surprise, but you led up to it well. The structure at the end, for the lines "and/ you'll/ be/ dead" is appropriate. Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "A Message From A Tormented Teen" by Kittykat
- "Pain, letting go, release. It can seem so surreal when you look on from a distance. Life is but a dream, indeed... but only when you see it as such. Beautifully written."
Posted by wilted on "Life is but a Dream" by Dreamzz
- "Well done. And this circumstance makes me sad. The pieces is so simply eloquent. I've read a lot on this topic, from every angle, yet this is still a fresh read. I feel like you kind of lost steam with the line that starts "and your like..." It doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem, it seems to me. However... Nice write."
Posted by wilted on "And..." by Dreamzz
- "I love the innuendo. So many phrases for such an act and the parts involved that I haven't heard in such a long time. This was a very fun, enjoyable read. Especially the trippy [or perhaps drippy] end. And Pee Wee's Big Adventure is still one of my favorite movies, and always will be, no matter what!"
Posted by wilted on "Pee Wee Got Caught" by Malcholm Dark
- "A very interesting write. A "princess of dismay" is a striking phrase. It's so true how a good actor could be perceived as perfection, when in reality they're simply faking their way through everything. I enjoyed this, however, I'm rather lost in the last four lines. I almost want to say that the speaker stole her imperfections... Clearly the speaker is the victor, the better of the two, so, imperfections are really perfections, perhaps. But something tells me I'm looking into this too much, or seeing what I want to see. Certainly a thought provoking write - I enjoy anything that makes me think."
Posted by wilted on "When I Found You." by eske
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