dancing with my demons on a street corner
By alaskanamber
I try to stop and breath yet my chest won't rise. "Get off get off!" I
scream to my demons. "You can't have me yet, I'm not done."
Onlookers see me brushing nothing from my chest gasping for air. Shaking
their heads they keep on walking. No one stops to help, everyone tries
not to stare. You know those sideways glances, I pity you looks, as people
look for your hospital bracelet so they can return you.
Well I'm not going back to nothing. Black empty space that comes in a little
white pill. No more hollow smiles as I hug myself to myself dreaming it's
your arms wrapped around me tight. The day dreams come to haunt me hour
after hour, not giving up on my insanity. It's theirs to keep for I have
no control.
Sometimes god talks to me. Just like in the movies, he's wearing a white
robe that curves around his hands perfectly with a manicure to be jealous
of. An immaculately groomed beard silhouettes his mouth as I try to focus
on his words. Oh how clear is the message he sends to me. Your life isn't
worth it, just give up. I have given up on you. Handed your file to the
devil.
That's when the demons started visiting. At first I wept in terror, hunched
in the corner as they danced around my room. In one of their hands was
a ball of glowing white. Reaching inside myself I knew they were holding
my soul. That's when my light went out. As my demons visited more and more
frequently they gave me more white pills. I could see clearer. See how
my life was about to end. And I started feeling for other people, hearing
their thoughts as emotions.
The nurse would come in and her exhaustion would rush over me in waves
as I fell to the ground. I could feel the doctors empathy as he ran every
test, thinking I was attention seeking. Afraid to tell anyone the truth,
I hid my demons deep inside my empty body.
One would think demons are small red horned creatures that sit on your
shoulder and whisper naughties in your ear. Truly they are almost nothing.
Like a black ghost, when you try to look at their face it transforms into
you worst nightmares. Predelictions of the future, your death, hatred in
the world.
As I was locked in that room slowly I died. My life light running down
the drain in the middle of the floor. Sometimes I would try to catch it,
just to watch it trickle between my fingers. I've come to the determination
that like everything else you body can only process so much emotion in
one lifetime. My biggest drain was my husband visiting me. No empathy or
exhaustion radiated from him. Instead was pity, not for me but himself.
I signed the paperwork without question. Deep down I knew the divorce was
my path to peace.
That's when the demons started talking to me. They wanted me out, wanted
to steal other peoples souls and I was their ticket. Without him to sign
me in I was free to go. And go I did. Onto the streets I hid. Never feeling
hunger or cold I walked and walked and walked. I walked until my slippers
were in tatters. Walked until the skin peeled off the bottoms of my feet.
I was headed somewhere but only my demons knew for sure.
I have arrived. This is where I belong. Why my entire life left me standing
here bleeding on this street corner I do not know. But I'm willing to wait
and find out. Besides I'll always have my demons for company. Finally I
have found my path. I look up towards the sky, raise my hands to my face
and wipe away the tears. This is an intersection of true human emotion.
Stealing the last of my life force. As waves and waves of hate, anger and
frustration hit me I drop to my knees. Invisible, no one glances my way.
It's been so long since my heart pumped or my lungs filled that I blow
away like a pile of ashes in a crematorium.
Comments on "dancing with my demons on a street corner"
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On Thursday, December 21, 2006, alaskanamber
(64) wrote:
this is honestly one of my favorites so far. came out just like i'd imagined the pictures that created it, my own little story board in my head
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On Wednesday, December 20, 2006, i tremble
(29) wrote:
this is AMAZING.