love me like you mean it

poetry sometimes seems to be the only way for me
to process the feelings that spin dizzy in my head
making me sick to my stomach. because i love you
i fear losing you to anything from a serial killer
to a serial dater. i try to keep the spark alive between us,
try to kiss the smile back into your eyes. i remember
when you used to be unable to tell me how much
you loved me because there was no measure- our love
seemed to be beyond reason, beyond description. now you
tell me you love with your teeth clenched and thoughts
focused on the distance. even though you leave roses
behind to wither in my bedroom, i will pretend you
cherish them. the series of cigarette butts left behind
suggest how tense you are when we're together now-
i will toss the ashes into the garbage, but not the worry.
that stays behind after you've left. it sleeps next to me
on this bed that suddenly feels too large for only one.