August 9th
By ONEANDLONELY
Pen approaching paper,
Totally obscured by light,
My hand pulled away,
I cocked my head,
Stared out into the night.
The thought,
What ultimately shaped my future,
Is helpless in the past.
Locked tight in my heart,
Ages apart,
No soul will ever pass.
Young man dreams grow colder,
Foretold pain has begun.
The cancer grows,
While lifeblood flows,
His world becomes undone.
Out from my still fingers,
Pen falls to the wooden floor.
Exhaling out breath,
I feel it's weight,
As was is never more.
I thought,
The one gift that had been given,
Aborted from my womb.
Hoarded by the lord,
In just accord,
Taken away too soon.
Young man blames the elder,
The wise man has passed away.
Stand alone,
Watch time unfold,
He bleeds heartfelt betray.
Taste of ale on my lips,
One small drop unnoticed fell,
Replacing the tear,
That fell in fear,
On words not meant to sell.
I heard,
A love once known,will never die,
It becomes love re-born.
In some strangers eyes,
Brief time it buys,
Beneath this smile I mourn.
Young man dreams aren't over,
Cast your glare not at the son,
Don't blame the game,
All stays the same,
"He and you are still one."
Comments on "August 9th"
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On Thursday, August 4, 2005, LovelyAssassinx
(151) wrote:
Extremely well written. The flow was excellent. Wonderful write. ~Sara
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On Sunday, September 12, 2004, AHHH
(187) wrote:
nice write
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A former member wrote:
i love it i feel the emotion flowing great write ~Ends
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A former member wrote:
The best poems tell the truth, even when the truth hurts like hell. This one does both. ~Shane~
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On Friday, July 30, 2004, Soulseeker
(108) wrote:
*Cast your glare not at the son* This captured me.... WONDERFUL write with a lot of thought. Bethany
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A former member wrote:
awsome write, can feel hurt.
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On Sunday, June 6, 2004, Griffin
(114) wrote:
descritive, i really liked it
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On Wednesday, April 14, 2004, Cwn Annwn
(91) wrote:
WOW. Your thoughts are so descriptive...I loved it. Wonderful write!~GoNe~
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On Tuesday, March 30, 2004, Mistress Morbid
(405) wrote:
Well done... -Morb
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On Thursday, April 1, 2004, ONEANDLONELY
(117) wrote:
Thank you all for your comments. It feels good to be read. Thank you also for taking the time to tell me your thoughts. ONEANDLONELY
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On Wednesday, April 7, 2004, Mistress Morbid
(405) wrote:
Your very much welcome. This one I actually enjoyed reading.
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On Tuesday, March 30, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm
(1703) wrote:
Yes, the meter was very effective - so many rhyming pieces can easily devolve into sing-songy disasters. This was very well done - I love the lines "Young man blames the elder, The wise man has passed away". Look forward to reading more. Ciao, T/S
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A former member wrote:
I love the way it flows and how youre descriptive.
Karla
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On Thursday, March 18, 2004, flying_fox
(573) wrote:
Terrific meter... it has a kind of old fashioned feel. I like it! Fox
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On Wednesday, March 17, 2004, hate_doll
(265) wrote:
oh, excellent flow...this painted a perfect picture in my mind. A lot of good lines, and also a lot of truths told in this piece. brava