It’s so quiet
I want noise
But I don’t want voices.
My ears have lost their taste for music
My mouth has lost its sound for food
I am privileged,
And I waste it.
I have food that I don’t eat
I have talents I don’t hone
I have smarts and potential but no motivation
I disappoint those around me
Who thought greatly of me
I ruin myself
My nose doesn’t see any aromas
My eyes smell salt and leak clear fluid
I physically can feel emotions
Emotionally I am empty
I don’t want to be numb
Maybe it’s better
What really does medicine limit our brain from
These tears that fall,
I don’t know why.
Is it the pain in my stomach
Or pain in my mind that I can’t feel
And can’t remember why it’s there…
My eyes and nose sting
My head, ears and stomach ache.
Maybe it’s longing for childhood as I am molded into an adult
What do I have to fall back on-
I thought I knew what I wanted
I thought I knew what I needed for myself……
I want noise.
My ears crave to hear nothing and everything all together
My eyes yearn to see darkness and light at the same time.
My mouth wants to savor every dish and cuisine in the world
My stomach hungers for nothing.
I wanted to become a great writer and artist
I want nothing to do with fame all the same
I want to feel again
To be me again
I want to hunger and feel
I don’t want to fake it
I don’t want anything to be real