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Just Before I Go
By tmanzano
They danced like silhouettes
against a puppet wall -
effortless to music
no one else could hear
but me.
He held her lightly tight
just below
the small of her back.
She moved to him
submissively -
spinning like children
on a carousel.
I smiled the smile
that hope can bring -
and opened my eyes
to pay the waiter.
Softened by a daydream -
I gathered myself, and
walked into traffic.
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Copyright 2018 tmanzano
Published on Friday, July 27, 2018.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Awards
Comments on "Just Before I Go"
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A former member wrote:
The end really packs a punch of the pain of lost love.
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On Saturday, April 13, 2019, tmanzano
(231)
wrote:
Hope is a sumbmisive bitch. I have often thought of this exact daydream. It feels wonderful to me... thank you for your time and comment. Very humbled.
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A former member wrote:
This is so beautiful. "She moved to him submissively"...nice! Excellent ink
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On Friday, August 10, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
That was my favorite line as well. Thank you for your comment.
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On Tuesday, July 31, 2018, dwells
(4512) wrote:
I'm guessing that "without looking" might have been an additional closing line, but the element of uncertainty lingers... Nicely done reminiscence, and too bad we can't get a do-over or two along the way. Cheers my friend TM - Dan
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On Tuesday, July 31, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
Thank you Dan. Always appreciate your comments.
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, Bornfrompain
(944) wrote:
This was darkly beautiful! - BFP
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
Thanks BFP. I love that you love the dark writes. I see you comment on other dark writes on DP as well. We share that.
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, I IS ME
(477) wrote:
You threw us a curve we were thinking along a certain line until the last stabbing line. We like surprises when we read. Please continue
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
Thank you I IS ME. Thank the other or others for me as well.
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, Jonas Robinson
(939) wrote:
It gets rough sometimes. It definitely does. I absolutely love this. I hope you find what you're looking for in life so you can write some more brilliant poetry along the way.
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On Saturday, July 28, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
Thank you Jonas. I am fictional some of the time. I imagine these situations in daydreams, as if an actor getting into character to inspire a write. I can only write when there is suffering. I make attempts to conjure it. Thank you for your comments. Very kind of you.
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On Friday, July 27, 2018, Queazenart
(239) wrote:
Deeply emotional, perfectly portrayed, and heart-wrenchingly tragic. Great flow with only a little jaggedness near the end, increasing its impact. I am enamored with yet another of your pieces.
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On Friday, July 27, 2018, tmanzano
(231) wrote:
Q, I am so thankful. I am humbled by you. Thank you.
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