"Last Time"

I remember seeing the first lights of day,
And I can still remember what it felt like to be in your arms.
I remember the look in your eyes as you saw the blood dripping from my wrist on to a pool on the floor..
You were always terrified of what I would do..
But you loved every damn minuet of it.
"The look in your eyes terrifies and excites me, I don't know which one is stronger.."
I loved being in your arms, I felt like nothing could harm me there.
You gave me the strength to not be afraid.. And it was so hard for me to do..
Do you remember the day you took me to the hospital?
With that slash across my face?
That damn depression never did get any better like they said it would did it?
I remember the way I used to be..
I remember all the pills, but you stayed at my side, loving me the whole time.
It was so hard to get out of it, that hole I was in..
It never was you, and you knew it, but you still felt like there had to be more you could do.
I wanted to stop, so badly for you..
When I did we were both so happy..
I didn't even notice the scars on your arm.
Or the silent tears you cried at night..
I missed it all...
Every damn sign..
I love you, and I miss you so badly..
Every day I walk by the spot we first kissed..
And I want to have you back in my arms
I would give any thing to have seen the signs that you were dying too..
Why you deiced to drive your car that day I will never know, I will never know why you had to drink that much over me, that tree...I still cant walk past it..
I was blind, to let you go through it all alone..
I wanted to give you every thing, and all I gave you was emptiness.
It is like now this plague hangs over Me..
Over the part of my heart where you used to be..
Every day where I walk I see pieces of you,
That made me whole, made me sane,
And yet now all it dose is bring me pain
But I will not die..
No, that is what killed you, my own selfish pain,
I miss you so badly, but I just have to wait.
I will love you eternally..
My savior, my love, my friend..
I shed on drop of my blood that night in the pool of yours.
It was the last that ever will spill from my veins.

* Dedicated to Peter may you forever rest in piece *