I'm Not Okay

This morning is a painful day
I can promise you, I’m not okay.
But please carry on and leave
At least you can’t see under my sleeve.
I bite my lip and frame a smile
Sit in the chair and crank the dial.
Retire to my darkening room
Sit up and make the gun go boom.
Start to write the suicide letter
Nothing will ever get better.
It’s been years since I’ve grinned
Every day of every year I have sinned.
None of us have real purpose
Every attempt at a smile is worthless.
She broke my damn heart
Now I’m back at the start.
Choose to leave or stay
I won’t get in your way.
Decide whether you want me
No one can hear my dying plea.
I should have stayed heartless
How you left was artless.
Afraid of what wouldn’t happen
I am on my own once again.
No need for comfort of light
It hurts at just the sight.
Love me not, hate me so
I have hit my all-time low.
The letter is lengthening
Consciousness lessening.
Blood is darker, such confusion
I hit the artery causing an illusion.
I see Death, majestic as a crane
Keep cutting, no longer frein.
Death swaddles me without a frown
Slowly hands me the Prince’s Crown.