What Baltimore means to me

I am debating
the costs of a trip to see
a woman that i
am not allowed to talk to
online or by text message
.
they start with divorce
end with not being able
to adopt my cousin
but near constant loneliness
is tearing away my mind
.
the only drugs that
i want are released when you
look into the eyes
of the one that you have always
loved way more than your own life
.
but would i loose all
to find out that she doesn't
want me, or worse, that
her husband would not allow
the visit, or let her play