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...Trappings
By SolApathy
…Trappings
Addiction
is the word
dirty
misused
abused
give me acid
let me hallucinate away the pain
give me coke
let me be numb
shoot up the PCP
let me be stronger than I seem to be
let me smoke just one more cigarette
take off the edge I always feel
Addiction
is the word
dirty
misused
abused
give me acid
let me hallucinate away the pain
give me coke
let me be numb
shoot up the PCP
let me be stronger than I seem to be
let me smoke just one more cigarette
take off the edge I always feel
not in the mind frame to heal
just want my synapses to fry
want the memories to die
need to embrace the nicotine rage
just let me have one last addiction
let me be addicted to apathy
can you see?
I can smile
Without strain
But look into my eyes
You will see
I’m not there
Not anymore
I’m lost
Permafried into sweet oblivion
I remember nothing of who I am
or who I was
I lay in a bed I cannot feel
I see people
Are they real?
I scream
I want to remember what I don’t remember
(the fading ember)
Why did I do this to myself
Was it really that bad?
It must have been
Don’t want to live in a world where I can’t remember
Who I am
Pull the needles out of my arms
I suffocate without my dreams
I kill myself
I believe that’s what I wanted so long ago
There is nothing left for me here
I
…Let go…
just want my synapses to fry
want the memories to die
need to embrace the nicotine rage
just let me have one last addiction
let me be addicted to apathy
can you see?
I can smile
Without strain
But look into my eyes
You will see
I’m not there
Not anymore
I’m lost
Permafried into sweet oblivion
I remember nothing of who I am
or who I was
I lay in a bed I cannot feel
I see people
Are they real?
I scream
I want to remember what I don’t remember
(the fading ember)
Why did I do this to myself
Was it really that bad?
It must have been
Don’t want to live in a world where I can’t remember
Who I am
Pull the needles out of my arms
I suffocate without my dreams
I kill myself
I believe that’s what I wanted so long ago
There is nothing left for me here
I
…Let go…
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
© 2020 SolApathy
Published on Saturday, July 1, 2017.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Author's Note:
How am I to survive like this?Comments on "...Trappings"
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-
On Thursday, December 7, 2017, Just Dave
(457)
wrote:
I'm an alcoholic in recovery. When I'm drunk you can see it a mile away. When I'm munching down some valium though you'd never know it. That got me in more trouble than the liquor. People just didn'tsee what was right in there face.
-
A former member wrote:
No one can really tell you how to survive, all you can do is try to. We all feel the darkness at some point in our lives, but you just keep fighting, and when you tire of fighting, there will be others to fight for you. So heartbreaking to read, darling. Queen Reb:).
-
On Tuesday, April 24, 2012, dwells
(4285) wrote:
Great message and keep writing to share your pain with others, cheers!
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