Shakespearean Sordid Seductress and I
By Virgils Vigil
My temptress' eyes lack the smoldering heat,
Of the
skies when lustfully our pale lips meet;
From her, frigid flakes revoke divine decent,
Far too baroque are her flesh and temperament;
Bleached and bloodless lay her withered waxen cheek,
a rose now broodless holds abysmal mystique;
For
a pestilent taste, one could acquire,
Some hygienic paste, in spite her desires;
Bathed
in charming wails, pleasures reminiscent,
Banshee's
of Wales, or fruit grown indehiscent;
I've seen a goddess go, conceiving all sound,
She flaunts such modest flow, unearthing the ground;
Macabre is our passion, obsidian night,
Light
and love, such fashions we vanquish from sight.
Author's Note:
Compare it to the original and let me know what you thinkComments on "Shakespearean Sordid Seductress and I"
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A former member wrote:
Aside from the revisions we talked about in the chatter, I think this is tight. Just a matter of getting rid of some extra words and this is worthy of submission.
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On Thursday, September 15, 2011, dwells
(4177) wrote:
Some unique and curious thoughts while reading this; has a lot of potential but lost me a little along the way, thanks!