There was a time when masturbation and puberty were deemed
unhealthy.   So parents invented horror stories to keep us from
playing with ourselves.   Remember kids, listen to your parents.


The Malady Song

"I'm sitting here, hand over fist
My pants pulled down, in total bliss.
Baby lotion love is first rate
Come one, come all and masterbate.

The truth suddenly came to me
Through the tears of intensity.
That awful truth began to ring
I've got warts on my ding-a-ling.

Wack--Wack--Wack
Bang your gong.

Wack--Wack--Wack
All day long.

Wack--Wack--Wack
Sing along.

Come and sing the malady song.

I've nothing to do when they aren't home
This horny kid left all alone.
Porno flicks just make things worse
An afflicted boy with a curse.

Genital warts and I don't care
'Cause my palms are covered with hair.
My parents warned me of this plight
Now I am blind and they were right.

Wack--Wack--Wack
Bang your gong.

Wack--Wack--Wack
All day long.

Wack--Wack--Wack
Sing along.

Come and sing this malady song.

I know that I am just thirteen
I want to be like Charlie Sheen...

Wack--Wack--Wack
Bang your gong.

All day long--Sing along.

Come on, sing the malady song.

Wack--Wack--Wack!"