Why do you hate me?

By Restless Spirit

This is to my mother
(At the time I was 7 and he was 14)

When I was young I would lay awake at night wondering:
Where is my mother?
Then you would come home cussing and screaming about how you are a terrible gambler.
It was best to stay out of your way but I was a stupid child.
I say "Mom,can you make me something to eat?"
And you look at me as if I just said a swear word and you slap me across the face.
You say,"Damn it,Shania,Haven't I told you not to talk to me when I get home."
I sit on the floor crying and my brother comes out and asked what happened.
He sees me on the ground and sees the anger in your eyes.
He grabs me and pulls me into his room.
Before the door closes you hit him with the belt.
He starts to cry and says"Why do you hate me?"
You say,'I don't hate you,You just piss me off."
He says,"FUCK YOU!!!!"and he slams the door.
You bang on the door and you tell him if he doesn't open it you will kill us both.
My brother has it locked and he sits down next to me and holds me i have a bruise forming on my face from what you have done.
He says."Shania, I know it hurts but one day we will escape.....I promise."
I say"Thank you Gil(pronounced hill)I love you more than ever and I don't want to die."
Gil says,"Don't worry she will kill me first and you can run."
I say"No,I won't leave you."
And at that moment you bust through the door.
Gil hits you with a bat and you fall down unconscious.
We run next door hoping for safety.
Our cousin is home and we run inside scared for our lives.
They call the cops and they take us away they try and separate us and we argue and fight they send us to Lexis and Tom our true parents they never raised a hand to us and they never swore at us there children Natalie,Jason,Ryan,Chris,and Kyle excepted us and we never looked back.
But when Lexis and Tom died we had to come back to you and the place we call hell.
The others went to there grandmother.
When we came back you cried and hugged us and said you missed us.(At this moment I was 9 and Gil was 16 and he lived with his father I didn't know where my father was but now I live with him and I regret it)
And then after a week the torture began again so I ask you,"Cynthia(my mother)why do you hate me and Gil but loved the others?Why did you try and kill us so many times?"*sigh* but some how we both still love you how is it possible?
(But now I'm 13 and Gil is 20 and he is safe from our crazy mother but am I?)

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2011 Restless Spirit
Published on Thursday, July 28, 2011.     Filed under: "Personal" and "Journal"

Author's Note:

please do note that this is a reoccuring memory that I have everyday of my life
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Comments on "Why do you hate me?"

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  • worm On Thursday, August 31, 2017, worm (1286)By person wrote:

    I pray you survived...

  • Ladyhawke On Wednesday, August 10, 2011, Ladyhawke (578)By person wrote:

    I can totally relate. It feels like if u dnt even exist after a while. U just exist as someone elses punching bag. I am so sorry you went thru this, but I feel your pain. Stand tall, you are worth more than you think.

  • Restless Spirit On Thursday, August 11, 2011, Restless Spirit (53)By person wrote:

    yes I know this but at the time I was a 7 year old girl it was scary but now I laugh at death and pain it's kinda wierd

  • Quietus On Tuesday, August 9, 2011, Quietus (91)By person wrote:

    I hate how people treat others like shit. Especially when its a parent towards a child. I went through similar things, too. Abusive step-dad and screaming and cursing mom. It sucks. Atleast the step-devil is gone and I'm leaving this damn house in a couple years xD but if you'd like to talk to someone I'd be happy to talk :3

  • Restless Spirit On Wednesday, August 10, 2011, Restless Spirit (53)By person wrote:

    I will keep that in mind I have 5 more years until I'm 18 so I can't leave yet and I live with my father but its even worse than my mother

  • A former member wrote: Can Really Relate To That Whole Poem..

  • Restless Spirit On Monday, August 8, 2011, Restless Spirit (53)By person wrote:

    I think alot of people can

  • Star On Friday, July 29, 2011, Star (1186)By person wrote:

    wow im sorry for you i have a mother who ran on me and my family more than 10 times and i was abused by her when i was little. im so sorry. all that i can say is that i hope it gets better for you. im truly sorry

  • Restless Spirit On Sunday, July 31, 2011, Restless Spirit (53)By person wrote:

    it is fine now but i was in pain because she wanted to come back and i had that memory of that love that wasnt there and i feared her when she told me but now i laugh at her when she tries to kill me

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