To My Mommy Dearest
You blame me
You say that my childhood was MY fault
But how could a child decide for herself that her dad was going to be a drug addict
How can a child decide that her mother would leave her home with her sleeping drug addict dad all day and be left to watch her baby sister, while still a baby herself?
Am I mad?
Fuck yes I'm mad
For every time you put me through some BULLSHIT and told me that it wasn't that bad
Or that it never happened at all
I'm pissed at every time you told me I WANTED to grow up to fast
I WAS FORCED!!!
I was forced to watch my baby sister when I was 2 years old!! And my baby brother when I was 8!!
I was forced to have sex
I was forced to do drugs
I was forced to bleed
to ultimately kill every part of the genuine me that ever existed
I am a shell
A shell that you see as the "real" me. And this is the me you "approve of." Fan-fucking-tastic!
HOW CAN YOU NOT FUCKING SEE?
Nothing is real about this!!
I am bleeding at your fucking feet and you tell me to "suck it up. it's not that bad."
How in the fuck are you a mother of four!!?!?!?!?!?!
How were we not taken away from the dumb ass that you are??!?!?!
I have done EVERYTHING to be the person you wanted me to be, and now I'm everything that I despise.
I hate myself
I hate my life
I hate that I followed every god damn line that you drew for me
I only wanted to please you Mommy
Only wanted to see you smile
Only wanted to make you feel like you were a good Mommy
Mommy Dearest this is for you.....
I hope you enjoy
X MY END X