To My Mommy Dearest

By Your Perfect Poison

You blame me
You say that my childhood was MY fault
But how could a child decide for herself that her dad was going to be a drug addict
How can a child decide that her mother would leave her home with her sleeping drug addict dad all day and be left to watch her baby sister, while still a baby herself?

Am I mad?
Fuck yes I'm mad
For every time you put me through some BULLSHIT and told me that it wasn't that bad
Or that it never happened at all

I'm pissed at every time you told me I WANTED to grow up to fast
I WAS FORCED!!!
I was forced to watch my baby sister when I was 2 years old!! And my baby brother when I was 8!!
I was forced to have sex
I was forced to do drugs
I was forced to bleed
to lie
to cheat
to ultimately kill every part of the genuine me that ever existed

I am a shell

A shell that you see as the "real" me. And this is the me you "approve of." Fan-fucking-tastic!

HOW CAN YOU NOT FUCKING SEE?

Nothing is real about this!!

I am bleeding at your fucking feet and you tell me to "suck it up. it's not that bad."

How in the fuck are you a  mother of four!!?!?!?!?!?!
How were we not taken away from the dumb ass that you are??!?!?!

I have done EVERYTHING to be the person you wanted me to be, and now I'm everything that I despise.

I hate myself
I hate my life
I hate that I followed every god damn line that you drew for me

I only wanted to please you Mommy
Only wanted to see you smile
Only wanted to make you feel like you were a good Mommy
Mommy Dearest this is for you.....

I hope you enjoy

X MY END X

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2011 Your Perfect Poison
Published on Friday, May 13, 2011.     Filed under: "Depressed" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "To My Mommy Dearest"

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  • Phalanx On Friday, March 20, 2020, Phalanx (617)By person wrote:

    I look for inconsistency and or exaggeration in what people say. It's my analytical, hang up. You were two and caring for an infant? Seems a bit of a stretch. I know it'll probably piss you off but, I'm asking, anyway. I just don't feel I'm seeing the whole story. Correct me if I'm wrong.

  • Devilish On Wednesday, May 25, 2011, Devilish (3759)By person wrote:

    Damn! Everything I wish I cud of said to my bitch... Mommy dearest... Awsome! Scholar

  • theXkevorkian On Wednesday, May 25, 2011, theXkevorkian (90)By person wrote:

    I feel you here... I see me in this piece. The disgust and self hatred for what i have had to do to survive in this battering world... Write On :).....

  • A former member wrote: Very sad and very well put. It is really difficult. I do hope you see through this.You're a real and caring person in a world of toxic people... Great poem.

  • MissHazelEyes On Saturday, May 14, 2011, MissHazelEyes (13)By person wrote:

    I feel the same excat way about my mom. Just follow xthenightlifex's advice...just stop caring...it's definately gonna be hard but then she can't let you down anymore.

  • xthexnightlifex On Friday, May 13, 2011, xthexnightlifex (78)By person wrote:

    I feel you. This hit a very personal note for me. Some times, I feel the same way with my mother. It seems that the one we've been told we need the most is often the one who fails us in the worst ways. But you must remember that she cannot fail you if you don't let her. It may be hard, but just stop caring. Don't care about the good or the bad she does. Then she'll see you're end... you're end of her. And that's when she will truly understand.

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