I Didn't Even Know

How can I survive
When reality fades
Twists and distorts
As I rock in a corner
Trying not to succumb
To my minds’ invading psychosis
I feel my skin crawl
See a fog roll in
A veil of blackness drops
And I am gone
For the moment I cease to be
But my body still lives
Controlled by insanity
Minutes later the veil lifts
And the fog clears
Only the clock says
Hours not minutes
And I have no recollection
What happened
Where did the time go
I observe my surroundings
And myself
Completely disoriented
As I see my body
Covered with strawberry gashes
Insane slashes
My heart reduced to ashes
Memory and reality clashes
I blink my eyes
In hopes that it’s all an illusion
A product of confusion
But I only see what I saw before
A bloodied canvas
Ripped and torn
I can’t handle the sight before my eyes
Can’t believe what I think are lies
So I raise my head
Trying not to cry
And my eyes behold a scene
Horrific and sick
A once white wall
Now crimson red
Painted with pain
Streaked with marks
From clawing hands
Pleading for help
As the body they are attached to
Tries to destroy itself
Despair so obvious
I can almost hear tortured screams
Emanating from the wall it self
And the helpless cries
Rising from the sadness soaked floor
Where a life time of tears has fallen
I look up and see blood drip form a ceiling fan
And I think
How did I do this to myself
How did I create this torrid hell
It seems so unreal
And I didn’t even know I did it