tarnishing tears

my face feels like leather

my lips, rubber

i guess this is what happens when you cry to much.....


when your true love is hundreds of miles away

and everything around you is falling apart





it just has that effect that leaves your
tears cascading like a waterfall

my scars tell tales

in my arm where a fork was placed by my drunken father

my leg where i was stabbed by a junkie who didnt have my money

my heart where it tears everyday from not being in his arms...
.
.
.
its all so confusing
.
.
.
i just want to snuff the pain

"someday we will have kids together and it will all change"



"i dont think i want to live that long"

i grew up as a fighter,
strong

independent


and now i lay in a bed of tears


i cant fight corruption if im a part of it

the scars on my knuckles from the teeth of my victims prove this


the confusing concept of life pushes me all the further to end it

so in my bed, my hair flipped back
my face shoved into my soaked pillow

i scream

i cry
.
.
.
.
i cry
.
.
you can put that smile on your face
but your eyes

your voice

gives you away
.
.
"promise you wont take your life away"

--------silence

"you know i cant do that"

"do what"

"promise"

"yes, yes you can"

"no no no no"

"yes yes yes yes"



i may be here physically


but the rest of me is dead