....but what do i know

i sit here, laughing in the darkness at my walls of alabaster and styrofoam.


deliberating the benevolent spirits and the corporeal maddness that eddies at chest level full of half formed spirits and unblinking eyes within the fog

diga me` or disperse

throw me to the wolves of take me up the spire either way i lay asleep upon the unlit pyre content and willing to rise again

graven image inside my head will you wake or are you dead gan bat-toh in this world lined in lead warded against your spirits touch
and lecherous wisdom that takes as much as it gives toward a specific end i am splayed

totally profilactic watching Dir En Grey and pacified




yet somehow the formatting wont fit the program i've corrupted in my head



rubber diapers and 15amps....240 volts




i'll look up at you with hurt and accusation in my eyes
don't tell me




dont tell me a goddam thing i'm not ready to hear it i don't want to know it will completely fuck my head and heart and soul to the point of craving an explination that will never sate me.....


oh dear god fuck my heart with the surest of blades and devoid me of my want desire and surety of "the one"

flee from me she of divinity that only i can see






why is it...





it's always been this person when everything else falss to fuck in my head


the last person i think of before i drift off in my half sleep




waiting will not exact a heavy toll from me





its knowing that i'm not good enough



knowing that i'm just flawed enough




being just cracked enough





wanting just enough






to truely believe





in this







i









dont want













to be saved














i














want



















to


















be















myself
























with































you