Letter to a friend

I feel like shit,
miserable, confused
and I feel worse because I want to blame you.

But I have reason to believe that you have better reason
to feel down
and unwell.

You are the strong one,
the wise one
who taught me how to be the person I am.

I have depended on you in so many things
you have come through
you never fail me.

But when you need me,
I feel like worthlessness,
the ear on the phone as you reason it out to yourself.

I try to do more, help like you help me,
but you are closed
a door locked from within.

You are in control,
in a firey tailspin,
the allknowing master of your own life.

If you choose to include me, I become a part
of scenery.
Useless.

You are a brother.
An idol
a wonderful friend who I trust with my life.

I see you suffer, and can do nothing.
You need to overcome alone
take no help.

And I wonder
how long it can last
until finally even you crack and break, if that's possible.

You say that we won't know you in the morning.
That scares me.
I need to know you.

I need you
I need to be needed.
I wish I could do something to be for you what you are for me.