3am

dream drapes my shoulders, begging me to give in
It screams my name in lullabies drugging me,
drifting, dragging me in, it's black opium heroine
my thoughts race as a pot of coffee trys to break through my veins
angry it was put there in the first place

god laughs at 3am,
at my twisting turning sonnet of sleep deprivation caffiene and grim
he laughs at me for he has the blanket i was sleeping in
he has the smell of my grandmothers house on sunday dinner
he has christmas and easter and good times and bad times and love
he has my sleep
he has my childhood stuffed animal drug he refused to let me keep
he has my fathers smile and my mothers laugh in his cloud cage
god laughs at 3am
My blanket smelled like meat and cats and holloween and houseplants
my blanket was japanese and had no pain and didn't die
my blanket was strong and vibrant and selfless and still alive
god laughs at 3am
it was soft and smelled like dandelions and always sang to me
It was tight enough to cover but loose enough to breathe
and it was knit and when you squeezed it, it sounded like laughter
And it didn't rape fuck annihalate me lock me in a closet and dephile me
It didn't beat me or cheat me or say it would save me and not save me and
leave me under a bridge to die on a cold winter night or violate or desicrate
or fuck or steal or rape
it didn't molest me and rape my mouth or say no one will ever find out
god laughs at 3am

sick sad sonic sleep seeps into me but I cannot sleep
what do I have left to dream
I lay in bed and pull close the sheets as the music sings
the same sick sad song from an empty machine
leaves me cold and my lovers turned away
and I can't sleep
sins of the father life of the son
passed down and left undone
there are no picnics and paper cups or people looking down while I look up
and icarus is burning down like supernova crusade crown and there is nothing left to let me sleep
I want to follow him and maybe burn away
so I wont have to hear god laugh at 3am