Raindrops Like Tears

Rain falling on windshields,
like tears falling from watching eyes.
Thinking back on memories,
my eyes filled with tears as I stare at a mirror.
I see blue eyes swimming in tears,
fighting a losing battle.
The blue eyes mesmerize me
and take me back.

Grabbing a glass to get a drink,
the phone rings.
Watching my grandfathers hands shake,
his eyes fill up.
Somethings wrong runs through her head.
He hangs up the phone
"It's Pop. He's had a heartattack. They think he's... they're waiting for the coroner to get there."
The girl stays behind,
to call the rest of the family, and the pastor,
and doesnt shed a tear.
Until 9 pm she maintains her calm.
The caller ID says its the hospital.
Answering, she hears the news.
"He passed away at 8 pm."

Looking once again into the mirror,
my tears still havent spilled.
Will they ever?

3 weeks after the first death,
the same girl comes back from a party.
Her mother had been oddly quiet.
Watching the dirt road as her mother pulled into the driveway,
she'd seen her grandmothers car.
She looked at her mother questioningly,
for her grandparents were supposed to be in New York.
The girl's mother said " I have something to tell you, lets go in the house."
Her father sat at the dining room table,
seemingly waiting.
"Kellie" the girl's mother started in a soft voice.
"Gran passed away last night."
The girl stood there, stunned.
She shook her head,
denying she'd heard right.
Her father drew her into his lap,
gently rubbing her back as she cried.
There wasn't a sound as she cried,
but you could almost hear her heart break,
shatter into a million pieces.

The blue eyes looked away from the mirror,
feeling the tears freely slide down her face.
There's no words to describe the pain,
but you can hear her fragile heart shatter again.
If you've known this girl,
you'd have seen the changes she went through.
No smiles, bubbly giggles,
no more happiness.
You can ask me, I know her very well.
That girl,
is me.



* This is me breaking my writers block 3rd period. Last January, I lost the best friend i've ever had. January 4, 2005 to be exact. Days later (5-10) I lost my great-grandfather, whom I wasn't too close to. 3 weeks after that, I lost my inspiration, my reason to live, my willpower to excell in all my classes. She was my life. She was my great-grandmother. Maybe thats why I feel (more and more) as if I'im incapable of loving, for fear it'll leave me, and tahts why i can't give my whole heart away, even if i love them very much. Lately, my life has become a mask. All you see is the sunny side of me. I'm secretly dying inside, not being able to be happy, or back to my "old" self. I won't lie to you people who are reading this (whether i know you or not). There are things going on w/ me, w/ my family, that i don't care to talk about. part of that, is killing me. but i also feel like i can't talk to anybody because they wont keep my trust. granted, there is one person. Her name's Christine, and she's my baby sister. ALl my life I've been hurt, physically and emotionally by myself, and others. I'm slipping back into the recluse i was, withdrawing from my friends, my family. To be frank, its scaring me because i dont know how to stop it. i've tried, but nothings working. i almost want to ask for help, but i wont. maybe its just my nature, but those 3 words wont escape my lips. even if i try to say them! if i seem quiet and withdrawn, now you know why. and congrats, you've read my longest poem/rant thing. My applause goes to you! and, thank you for letting me vent. i think i needed to.
P.S my hand hurts! and im almost home
Kellie