is this for you, or against you

desperate circles, twisting, seeking, closer

i don't know me and i don't see me
i don't need to because i don't care

dancing fire rings, as bright as my obituary sings

turning





burning




this white room has become my prison



it's so lovely
how this becomes me
shot in the heart and i just stare



all because of the confusion i always wear



these nails in my eyes help shed my tears



was this a plan







did you fuck me







i thinks it's always been this cracked inside of here




you don't know me
you won't see me

you're so sweet and i should not care








so controlling



twisting and burning


my mind ravages itself and i'm not here


waiting




shaking this faceless reflection that brought me down


here i am







waiting in the dark i always wear





still waiting for you to disappear from my thoughts as the whip lays them bare



stomach churning


fucking yearning




i don't own me but i don't care




i realize i'm not all there
too late for apologies and i should not care





i just sit here and watch me
i never help me

i just sit in my shit


did you know this
can you see this
come and watch me die with veins layed bare



could it be you
could you see through
i should be somewhere now where i don't care



what happened to my patience
where's the pretence

i don't enjoy the lonely that i've always shared



an open window, tattered curtains rippling in the cool breeze
broken moonlight cuts through dark corners
i'm still awake battling electric pulses that are frying my brain
everyone knows me
but no one sees me
i'm doing great but i was never ok





i have defeated myself again