Death's Afterthoughts

I kneel beside an empty hole
I look inside its depth
Trying hard to find some peace
Darkness all I've left

To know that this is where you'll lay
Where our two paths must part
Choking back the tears that pool
Or else they'll drown my heart

"Why you?", I scream into the ground
My fingers clench at upturned soil
Hearing nothing in return
My blood begins to boil

Through clutter thoughts and memories
An image comes to light
What if I lept into that hole
Would our fates join tonight

But deep inside my broken soul
I know that you are far better than I
You've won your freedom from this hell
Your spirit now can fly

But damn you still for leaving me
And damn me for not knowing
That every time you smiled at me
Your pain was never showing

How could I not have seen the truth
The whole time you were dying
For all the laughter that we shared
Inside you were still crying

So now your gone, and I'm still here
Staring at the dark skies
And all my mind keeps asking is
How can I apologize