New Scars Remembered

Unbidden these thoughts
resurface from the buried nook
they rested in Forgotten in peacefulness,
and drawn forth in experiance,
i'm raging now on the waves of the past,
past feelings, past memories. Past.
But they won't pass me by.

Melding they merge with what i thought,
and what i now think, and what i've become,
i'm staring at myself though the lense of
memory, and looking at myself then,
seeing myself now, and the cohesion
has brought with it a longing for what
might have been.

Like vipers in slumber drifting
past the lanes of languished thought
These things creep at me from all angles.
I see the face i loved, i see the face i would
have done anything for, and then i see
that face again, shadowed version, from future's lense
and know that those moments are GONE,
lasting no more but in what i think.

I feel the twist of my old self trying to
shatter the glass holding it from me now.
I see the cracks appear, and know that they will do
nothing more than that,
The glass and image are no longer stronger than my will.
If i was i can be again,
but i'm not going back, or though, only forward,
away from the mirror.

The loss strikes me harder than the image does.
Those times spent are cashed in.
There are no refunds in this linear line.
I'm thankful though,
I'm please though,
I'm crying though,
I'm worried though,
I'm shattered though,
I'm broken now.

These forced memories lash at me.
They confuse my mind, make me realize that
i'm all of me. i'm all of what i am,
i'm no longer NOW, but All.
By seeing my image i've merged with what
i had forgotten, and will forget again,
but will that last?
Will i Last in this vein?
split and torn,
images and realizations fleeting?
Like melted snow on carpet;
only a wet mark stain?
A burned scar on my hand?
I welcome those wounds,
if only they force me to remember.
Let me be whole,
please.
scar me.