Not Just a Name

Jessica, now just a name.
It used to mean much more.
Now it’s trying to recover,
Recover from shame.

Now, I cry at the thought of it,
Its old meaning just doesn’t seem to fit.
But I do miss her a bit.

She was fun, a friend, my sister in disguise.
She was more then a sister,
She was like a special prize.

How I loved to claim her.
I loved to call her mine.
“Yeah, that’s my big sister”
“Yup that ones mine!”

But she can’t faze me.
She can’t get me down.
How I wish she were around.

They say,
“Oh, she’s doing so good!”
“Look at her finally doing what she should.”
Even though she never stays good.

Now it’s too late.
The important times gone by.
Now it’s too late.
She sits and wonders why.

I’ve loved her forever.
Will love her for even more.
But now loving her feels like a chore.

She has hurt me.
She continues to cut me deep.
She wants me to love her.
But who is she?

She’s my big sister.
I’d give her the clothing of my back.
Is she a great person?
I’m not sure I can give her that.
But she’s my big sister.
I respect her for more then that.

Mixed messages.
Emotions a mess.
Splattered tears.
Enjoying each arrest.

I still love her.
But she’s no longer mine.
I can’t claim her.
She’s no longer mine.

She acts like she loves me,
Is she pretending to care?
Whoever taught her that?
They should die in despair.

They took away my sister,
Gave her body to someone else.
Tried to take my love for her,
But they’ll have to try that on someone else.

I asked for a hug
And she went to sleep
I said good-bye
But only I started to cry.

“It will be different.”
“She’ll be better in time.”
No, she won’t.
This is the new her,
She’s no longer mine.

I want her to understand,
I want to help her stand.
Take this weight of her back,
Remove her from this verbal attack.

I love her no doubt.
I’ve loved her all my life.
My love does not keep the hurt out,
But it will help us repair this life.