Dark and familiar

This pain inside,
It is still here,
Showing itself in all my fears.
Will I ever let it go?
Will I ever let them know?
This darkness this evil,
Lurking in me
Yelling, screaming!
For me to let it free.
Turning me dark, evil, making me mad,
Cutting me off from all that is good.
Wondering now, all the problems I had
Were they self induced or part of my childhood.

It’s seeping, it’s dark
I can not see
I’m in that awful place that’s so familiar to me.
Cold and angry trying to fight
But once again I don’t have the might.
These problems, this darkness,
So familiar to me,
It’s bigger then I can even see.
Swallowing me up, into this dark scary hole-
Where I’m alone again and feel so cold.
I’m sinking again,
I’m petrified.
Yelling so loud it hurts my insides.
But you can’t hear the evil in me
You think I’m innocent and free.
I’m cold and scared thinking of you.
I keep falling down and crushing you too.
Feeling so bad that I pulled you in through.
I make this hard for not only me.
I make this horrible for the ones who care about me.
And almost as if it’s a silent victory,
I stay in my hole with a look of glee.
And no matter HOW much it hurts,
Why do I have to be the one who lacks the good perks?
This feeling I get, this silence here,
Cold, and dark, whispering, sad,
Its immensifing my fear
Making me glad,
Happy, sad, angry, scared,
All these feelings they’ll disappear.
But this evil in me, this cold in my veins,
Rushes quickly through me,
With no thought of being tamed.
All other feelings pushed to the side,
Give me my life back!
Let me decide!
I like who I am,
This evil in me
Except it now because if not,
You’ll never accept me.
I can’t act for you,
Change my personality to please,
I like who I am,
This dark hole I fall in and can’t escape,
I feel like I belong,
I’m not just “the girl,” or “the blonde”
My “evil” sets my personality free.
Free to be me.
Please try to accept ME or let me BE!