Oh Lets Go Back To The Start

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are"


-ive spent the entire day weeping screams, sobbing scars, crying blood,

completely falling apart like splinters of memories to this song.-


"I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart"


-Of course i thought of you,

as i laid vacantly sprawled across the taffee brown carpet, naked

hypnotically staring through my moms closet mirror,

barely recognizing the once familiar girl before me.-


"Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start"


-Almost 20.

Holy fuck.

WHO ARE YOU?!-


"Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part"


-My eyes seemed worn devoid of animation,

glassy, filled with unspeakable tears hanging

like mirrors with no reflection.

especially not my own.-


"Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard"


-My body remained unmoved for hours, magnetically attached to the floor,

without the will to lift itself upright.-



"Oh take me back to the start"



-I could have layed there the entire day, eternity,

with the song on replay,

but at some point i managed to crawl or claw my way into my moms

oversized tub in the ephemeral comfort of darkness,

staring vacuously at the ceiling as the warm tepid water rushed in swirls

all around the cold frigid stillness of my exposed flesh,

filling my ears till the music whispered into me as though

from a distant benevolent reality of my consciousness.-


"I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart"


-It felt as though i was dreaming,

floating numbly in the tub, ethereally hovering

like a fish,

trapped,

my body yearning the ocean instead of shallow, predictable waters.-


"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start"


-Deep, forgivingly

endless,

fathomless water consuming the entirety of my existence.-


"Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are"


-aaah .. such bitter-sweet indeed,-


"Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part"


-its all i know.-


"Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard"


-the sweet..began to creep its way through goose bumps,

immersing itself into my weary bones, shallow breath,
my salty tears indistinguishible, as i cried my own ocean

i dived shut my trembling eyelids bracing myself for the bitter
my pursed lips emmiting its final bubble in shivering sadness
of course i thought of you.-


"I'm going back to the start"





quoted lyrics by ColdPlay-The Scientist