Homecoming vs. Dying Thoughts

By TropicalSnowstorm

I don’t know quite what I expected,
but this definitely isn’t what I pictured.
No one can really relate...not that I blame
them, I’m glad they can’t...still in some weird
way I feel more alone here than I did there.

At times I was spied on, betrayed, hunted and
even had a price on my head, which is not ideal...
but nonetheless meant that I mattered somehow...
here, I literally have nothing anybody is looking for.
Worse, I seem to want nothing from them either,
it’s too possible to be self-contained...and it seems
a bit like having the first uncomfortable meeting with
a long-lost relative you know you should love,
but with whom you have nothing in common.

After two years overseas, it feels very much
like being a new immigrant...I thought
Paris Hilton was a hotel...had no idea a
spouse could be the prize for a game show...
and, no, I never heard that song before...

Everything seems so easy here...not that I
don’t like it, rather, it just seems too easy to be real –
the food is clean, the air is fresh, I can walk safely
where ever and whenever I want, streets are cleared
within an hour of the first flake of snow falling...
Sometimes it feels like a Disneyland existence
that is merely a final figment of a dying brain,
and I start to suspect that the plane really went
down outside Qandahar and I didn’t make it.

Other times I suspect that I really did, and can’t
help smiling to myself at how absurdly perfect this
all is, as I peer through the glass window of my exile.
Pondering this from its gelatinous sofa, my mind calls down
to the body for room service, so it can remain disengaged for now.

-- by Steve McKennon, 21 March 2005

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2005 TropicalSnowstorm
Published on Thursday, March 24, 2005.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "Homecoming vs. Dying Thoughts"

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  • MercyRain On Monday, September 4, 2017, MercyRain (109)By person wrote:

    never forget this... never forget... too many only ever see the one side and take it for granted, expected that that is the way things are. That might be easy and safe, but..... only if bubbles never pop. And somewhere, somewhen, they always do.

  • A poet of madness On Monday, December 7, 2009, A poet of madness (132)By person wrote:

    Thank you. I know that despite not going through what you have, I'm not alone. Thank you

  • Mylissa On Friday, February 2, 2007, Mylissa (884)By person wrote:


  • Zhee On Thursday, October 20, 2005, Zhee (539)By person wrote:

    this was a wonderful write.. i could really relate to this. you painted so much here but quite subtle and very elegant!

  • Jonas On Tuesday, September 20, 2005, Jonas (768)By person wrote:

    thoughts that interest me; your newly subjectified reality of what america is. beautifully, rather 'quietly' and thoughtfully rendered, particularly the string of adjectives in the last stanza.

  • A former member wrote: "a bit like having the first uncomfortable meeting with a long-lost relative you know you should love, but with whom you have nothing in common." traveling is an amazing experiance, but i know how you feel with the experiance of culture shock. ....-s

  • A former member wrote: ....-samone

  • NikesRain On Wednesday, March 30, 2005, NikesRain (1337)By person wrote:

    it is not always the destination....but the journey getting there.. May you find wonder and journeys here just outside your door. Thought provoking write, well done.

  • Malice In Wonderland On Thursday, March 24, 2005, Malice In Wonderland (1029)By person wrote:

    this is wonderful, we may not be perfect here, but you remind us all of the beauty we do have here, and the freedoms, thank you for this.... Scholar

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