Nightmare Is Reality

By darkness_descends

The smile on my face
Is as real as the happiness it feigns
This act that I have been keeping for years
Is taking over
Invading me
I can't control it anymore
Presenting the image of contentment
That is expected of me
Or to be me
Pretending to be fine
While falling apart inside
Feeling like a scared little chiled
Huddled down cowering away from everything
Clutching my knees to my chest
Head burried in my arms
Rocking back and forth
Trying to fight off the tidal wave of tears
That threatens to over take and drown me
Shuddering at the sight of anyone
Afraid of everything
And at the same time
Consumed by anger and rage
Always about to explode
As if protecting the scared, fragile child in hiding
When the sting of tears threatens
The fires of hell overpower
And are ignited in my eyes
With teeth gritted
Fists clenched and knuckles white
Chase away the fears and dangers
When safety is returned
Anger and rage subside
And the fragile child returns
All of this confusion inside
Is constant and never ending
But this act still keeps up
And everyone believes this facade
It even starts to fool me
I never know what is real anymore
Am I acting or not
This role has become my nightmare
My nightmare is my reality
But which one is real?

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Published on Thursday, December 12, 2002.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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