Forever and a Day

So many hours of so many lonely nights seemed to last forever through these misery stained eyes searching for a prettier hope. These nights I’m laying cocooned in darkness crying into the sound of “With a Million Tears” while metal slices and words bleed from my heart for a letter addressed to no one but the silent desolation surrounding me.
I’ll let it all burn to ashes later and float away so maybe another lonely dreamer can see that there might be hope…

People have always told me there’s something wrong with me. People have always told me there’s something different about my quite or own dark perceptions. I don’t blame them. My whole life I’ve secluded myself from people through books and distant communications of what I could only hope was something real. I always knew there was something missing but I kept telling myself through hunger and self mutilation such a void would eventually be filled. I was wrong. It wasn’t until I met you that I truly realized how long I’d been lying to myself and possibly even being lied to.
I was only then awaken to the idea that perhaps I was worth loving…

September ’04 was making love to razorblade kisses. I told myself this was my choke on emotion as I lie in afternoon sun. But how could I? How could I build my own such tragedy when I’d already been drowning in yours? Your promises echo like my only salvation heartbeat. Often when I look at you I say how undeserving I am. I have never loved myself, but so many times when I’m alone with you your words seem to wash over me like warm soft rain so that I actually feel good about myself for awhile and am able to finally exhale. That alone means more to me than any romantic suicide I could ever dream of, because there’s a greater chance of me killing myself then ever loving myself, but you’ve brought me closer to that point. My words are not enough. You deserve everything life could ever offer for planting inside me that seed of desperation’s hope. We both know the feeling of being so lost and alone you want to die, but when I’m with you all those moments seem to fade.
Having you soothes all my suicidal tendencies…

I’ll never forget or take for granted all those nights you drank my tears under black blanket skies and looked back like you were saying you’d give them back someday when I was stronger. I stared at my reflection swimming in your brown green pools of sadness and asked myself how someone like you could ever love me. You always look prettier under moonlight. Shadows tattooed across your face, arms clasped around my small bones. The faint music mixes with scents of your broken dreams and smoke. The feeling it conveys makes it easy to swoon. And I’m not so lonely, because how could I be when I have this? When I’m with you suffocating against an endless supply of cherry blossoms and storms.
You are already my gorgeous asphyxiation…

I know I’m difficult but I also know you understand that I’m just learning. I know when I’m cold sometimes your warm embrace isn’t just for that but truly a connection…

So many hours of so many nights spent writing for you. Lines upon lines of words wept like a violin’s tear melodies painted over to be perfection. I would tattoo my dedications to you. Forever and ever.
TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES…